Sixty, My 5 Stages of Acceptance
From Dreading Turning 60 to Celebrating
I am not much different than anyone else. When sixty was about to stare me in the face, I said, “I can’t believe it”. This simply cannot be true.
Stage 1: Denial – Can't Believe I'm Really Here
I even did the math twice, which is not always easy. 1963, yup, that’s the one. Then I just shook my head.
As the months started to approach, consciously or not, I chose to ignore, or the better word, deny, that I was going to be sixty. For the most part, this was very helpful. Until my friends and my husband started asking for clarification about my age and my plans to celebrate. Now, to be clear, my husband most definitely knew my age. He was more interested in the party plans.
Stage 2: Anger – Why I Didn't Want to Celebrate
I wasn’t feeling very celebratory. In fact, I was starting to feel a bit annoyed. I really didn’t want to discuss party plans. This is known as Stage 2 Anger. It just doesn’t feel like I’m there yet. I feel young. I am a ‘glass half-full’ kinda gal, and my glass was bone dry, and I wasn’t happy. When I look back, I remember this stage as rather short-lived, but I did take a picture of myself and titled it ‘so this is what 60 looks like’. You be the judge, but I don’t think I look very uplifted.
Being angry is not a place I like to stay. One of the benefits of living long enough is that you learn which battles to pick and choose. I had a snowball's chance of winning this one. So, over the next few days to weeks, I seriously reflected on my years gone by and was digging rabbit holes all along the way,
Stage 3: Bargaining – The What-Ifs That Make You Think Twice
Is this really a stage? You don’t see it at the time, and I’m guessing, it presents itself differently for everyone. I started with the ‘What if’s’. What if I had done things differently? Where would I be now? What if I had taken that scholarship and made other choices? What if I had never stopped working out? How would I look now? The what-ifs are endless. Sometimes they are fun to dream about, how different choices would have looked. I remember in the late 80’s my father wanted me to learn Spanish, really learn it. He shared all the reasons he felt a second language would be an asset to my future. Often, I find myself in a situation where I wish I had taken the time to learn another language. I admire people who speak more than one language. The more I thought about what was then and what is now, the spiral was pulling me downward. Can you guess what is next?
Rock Bottom Moment: The Depression Stage
Stage 4: Depression – The Dark Before The Dawn
Just know your acceptance of entering 60 may be a walk in the park. By the time your walk is over, you may quickly run through all 5 stages of acceptance. For the record, these 5 stages are known as the Kubler-Ross Model, and not to worry, they are very common for pretty much anything we ‘have to accept’ in life. It could be as simple as paying a big bill you don’t want to pay. Somehow, you will run through these stages.
Your reflection and journey will be different than mine. Most important is how we come out of it. When I weather through an incident or a growing pain, afterwards…Sometimes I think, what did I learn from this? Has this made me a better person? Did I learn something I can share with others? Can my walk in the park help someone else who is walking in my shoes? I think it goes something like that. Anyway, yes, I had a few sad moments, and part of it was thinking about my party.
All of my other big number parties were really, no Big deal. This is very true, 30, 40, 50, these numbers were most definitely a walk in the park. I didn’t even think about it. Besides, I love celebrating in general. My birthday is no exception. I look forward to it and take the time to enjoy it. This time, this one was different. I didn’t really like any decorations, and I really didn’t want to see the number 6-0 all over the place. The black and gold colors were not very lively looking, and I recalled all of the over-the-hills jokes and anticipated a few of those cards coming my way. I just couldn’t really get into it. As much as I believed I hid it well, I think my husband was seeing my apprehension.
The Moments That Changed My Perspective
By now, I had processed the reality of here it comes. The remaining question is how- I want to receive this gift. I mean, it is a gift. For me, it’s important to share that neither of my parents lived to see 60, and it’s likely you have people in your life, or someone you knew, whose time was cut short. I decided to have my party. Turned out we had two!
Stage 5: Acceptance – Here's How It Happened
And here we are, finally Stage 5 Acceptance. Although I was feeling much better about being in this stage it was disturbing to say the least, to think, I had to compare the passing of others to change my mind set to say ‘Hey let’s do this and have fun with it.’ Well, this is where the story of Sweet Sixtee begins.
The Turning Point: Welcome to Atlantic City and Sweet Sixtee
Born and raised a Jersey girl, coupled with a birthday month of August. Where do you go for your birthday? To the beach, naturally, or ‘down the shore’ as some say.
Two Parties, One Message: Celebrating the Era I Was Born Into
My favorite place to be for my birthday is the beach and we have so many great beaches along the NJ coast. August is great! When the water is warm enough to walk into and the late afternoon sun brings a cool breeze to the beach, and then best of all, around that time most are headed back to their abodes, and I can actually see the beach sand.
This year, we had the opportunity to meet with family for a pool party in Atlantic City. My husband booked a special room for this special day, and off we went. The plan was a low-key gathering at the hotel cabana, with the real focus on watching the Blue Angels practice for the highly anticipated Air Show the following day. It was perfect; the focus wasn't really on me. I was looking forward to that, plus I had another themed birthday party planned. I thought it would be a fun idea to celebrate the 60s, so the following week we were to meet with friends, and everyone would have to wear a bandana and a pair of John Lennon sunglasses, and we would celebrate the era I was born into. Sounded like a fun thing to do.
I had a reserved spot at an outdoor venue, with a band, and we could play bocce or corn hole on the big lawn and just enjoy the company of my friends and family around me. Of course, I was teased about having 2 parties, no surprise coming from the party girl. But first, we were headed to Atlantic City.
The Hotel Room Surprise I'll Never Forget
The Sign: 'Sweet Sixtee!' in Rose Gold & Pink
When we arrived in the hotel room, my husband had balloons lying all about the floor, decorations hanging up, and a big, beautiful pink and rose gold sign propped up on the couch that read "Sweet Sixtee!" I was so surprised, thinking back on that day. The decorations weren't really a surprise because that is the man my husband is. But it was the colors of the decorations that were so pretty. They made me feel good, and then I took a close look at this sign and said, "Honey, what is this?" And he said, "I made you a sign. When I went to the party store, I just couldn't find anything that I thought was suitable for you, so I decided to make my own sign. I thought you would like it."
Original photo, behind the scenes, the beginning of Sweet Sixtee.
The Sign That Changed Everything: Sweet Sixtee Revealed
I had the biggest smile on my face because I loved it!! I didn't just like it! But I kept checking it out, I looked closer and said again, "Honey, I love this, but what is it?" He said, "It was a Sweet Sixteen piñata, and I decided to remove the 'N' from 'sixteen'. This better describes you and our time ahead." He had found rose gold paint to match the colors and painted a giant exclamation point over the N.
I thought, how clever, what a great idea! I absolutely love this! But there was little time to hang in the room and relish the moment because in true 'push the clock fashion’, I swear every event we attend is like sliding into homebase just getting there in the nick of time. So off we go, grab the beach bag, find the flipflops as I’m looking for my sunglasses, he says, "Are you bringing your sign?" I said, "Yes, of course." Now I'm juggling my piñata with balloons attached and twirling about headed down the hallway luckily when we entered the elevator it was empty but as we hit nearly each floor someone entered looked at my sign and said one beautiful thing after another, I will never forget two women who hopped on, they loved my sign so much, their positive energy was contagious, Oh my, you're sixty! "I love this sign", they said. "What a Great Idea! Happy Birthday, such great idea!" By the time we hit the pool lobby area I was like ‘Heck Yeah, I’m here, and it’s my birthday!! That’s right, I’m Sweet Sixtee.
The Blue Angels, The Beach, And Watching the Shift Happen
I always enjoy being with my family, and this day was no exception. We had a wonderful afternoon, and when the day settled down, back in our hotel room, I took another close look at that sign and said to myself, Honey, you might be on to something. I knew then, and there, that sign and the colors changed everything for me. It really was going to be a Sweet 60. My perception of the next decade ahead felt brighter. I just loved how everyone that saw that sign seemed to enjoy it as much as I did, if not more and at that moment I thought about all the other women that may have had the same feelings of apprehension and that perhaps, if they were planning a Sweet Sixtee to look forward to, maybe they would have the same joyful experience I had.
The following week, we had our 60s party, and that was fun too, but I just couldn't stop thinking about the potential of my sixties. How could it be my sweetest chapter yet! I mean, when you really think about it, at least for me, things aren't really that hard now. Meaning, when I think back at my 30s and 40s now, they were hard times. Climbing the career ladder, hustling to make ends meet, and I don't necessarily mean financially, I just mean every moving part, managing your job, your career, your children, meeting their needs, the needs of your family, planning for your future, etc.
From Hard Times to My Sweetest Chapter Yet: Reframing My Sixties
This is better. I'm not climbing the career ladder; my kids are grown, and everyone is settled. Unfortunately, I don't have my mom and dad to share this moment with me, but things really aren't as difficult as they once were. I started thinking that maybe I should revisit some of the choices I had made. Maybe I will learn to speak a second language. Maybe it is time to promote a little self-care. Go back to exercising or refresh my sense of fashion. I started to think about how I could map out the next decade these ideas were exciting! Of course, Sweet Sixtee was a big part of this because I now wanted to bring it to other women and who knew, in my 60s I would start a traditional business and work with a team of people that shared the same enthusiasm and mindset 60 is not a time to dread. Although 60 dread is a real thing, it doesn't have to be.
The Sweet Sixtee Mission: Making 60 Your Best Birthday Ever
Our birthday wish for anyone turning 60 is to think ahead with excitement and a list of possibilities, then share that moment with enthusiasm, own it, shine on that day, and take this time, this precious gift of time, and do the things that make you happy. Like you, my path has shaped the woman I have become. That journey is worth the celebration. Enjoy your day!
It's been a wonderful experience bringing Sweet Sixtee to life. We realize not everyone would probably want to wear a bandana and a pair of John Lennon sunglasses, so we thoughtfully created a beautiful line of Celebration Sets. Our custom-art collections give you the opportunity to choose one that reflects your personality. And we certainly have new collections on the horizon, helping you to plan your Sweet Sixtee or for someone you love.
There is a quote that has great meaning to me, and it goes something like this: ‘People may forget what you have said, and they may forget what you have done, but they will never forget how you made them feel.’ My husband made me feel genuinely happy on my 60th, which was a far departure from my anticipated vision of my birthday. That is our mission for you, we want you to feel amazing- filled with possibilities.
Enjoy and Happy Sweet Sixtee to you!
